By Sruthi Sadhasivam
Why is it that a guy-girl relationship is always considered a taboo in India? Can guys and girls be friends? Is that accepted and considered normal in our society?
It is an untold crime for a girl to have guy friends – atleast in a large part of India. Isn’t it? Why blame society when we have our own friends who will start judging us when we simply talk to a guy. Why is it that when a guy and a girl or a man and woman spend time together, it is taken for granted that they are in a relationship? Will the same society react in a similar fashion when a girl spends time with another girl or when a man spends time with another man? No, this is because our society is extremely ignorant of homosexuality and continues to postulate that this is a world of straights.
Why should a woman feel uneasy when talking to a man? Is it only because of the man’s behaviour or can it be also because of our gendered culture? What kind of conversations can a man and a woman have? Who frames the guidelines for a man-woman relationship? Have you seen a man or woman talk about issues such as menstruation and sex with the opposite sex as freely as they would do so with a person belonging to their own sex?
We are undoubtedly in dire straits when we get a phone call from a guy friend or when we make a call to them. You would have noticed your parents nagging you to tell them who it was on the phone inspite of them knowing it’s a guy on the phone. Will we feel this self-conscious and uneasy when we talk to someone of our gender? Why should we feel edged and abashed only when we talk to our guy friend?
Why should this qualm and conjecture feature only when there’s something between a guy and a girl
even if it’s just a conversation?
At what time of the day or night are we allowed to talk to our guy friend? How long are we allowed to talk to him/her? About what are we permitted to talk? Have you ever wondered as to why we are unable to talk readily to our guy friend amidst our family? This is because, especially if we are a woman, we will certainly be judged by all including our family, relatives and as a matter of fact even by our teachers and friends.
Why should we assume that a guy will always be a threat to women? If we were a guy and converse
with a girl, will the same family or relatives take it as seriously as they would do so if it were a girl? They would at most satirize the whole incident and make fun of the guy and leave it at that.
Why are gender benders always the victims of moral policing? We might try to live our life the way we want turning a blind eye and deaf ear to societal norms and prejudices. Inspite of our resoluteness are we allowed to function void of obstacles? Who is society to decide what relationship we have with another man? In the first place, Why should we be made to feel guilty by languorous loafers when we really are innocent and unsullied both in heart and our conduct? Why should this fear, intolerance, and inappropriate feeling of premonition stem out when we simply see a guy-girl together? We are unaware
of what kind of relationship they share, we don’t know for what business they are there at that
particular time and place, given that – why should we as a purposeless, vain society immediately character assasinate them ?
There is this practice ingrained in our culture to assume that no guy and girl in the world can have a completely sane and sagacious relationship. Why should or why is it defined that our relationship with a guy will always be physical? Why can’t it be based on emotions and mutual interests?
In a country were simply uttering the word sex is beyond the pale, I seriously don’t know how sex
education will find its place. Most importantly, with whom will we discuss it when all the doors of
information like family are perpetually closed? We generally discuss these aspects with our friends, but why should that friend not be a guy? If the society functions at this rate, no guy would know who a girl is and no girl would know who a guy is, they would have no clue about the opposite gender, do they have similar feelings and emotions like them, what would be the nature of their behaviour, what would be their likes and dislikes and so on and so forth.
Don’t you think these ceaseless restrictions, social barriers and psychological constraints placed on a guy and girl are increasingly responsible for gender-based violence such as rape and domestic abuse? If guys and girls are given their space, don’t you think these abominable occurrences might reduce if not come to a standstill? When there is no room for fellow-feeling and empathy how will they perform shared roles in life? How will they get to know each other? Now we force them to live in seclusion but later when it’s time for marriage we expect them to lead contended, imperturbable life without any misgivings and trepidation. How did we become this unrealistic and irrational?
I’m not underplaying the fact that it can be equally dangerous to mingle with a guy or girl. There has
been many cases where the so called friendships turn into full-fledged relationships and infatuation
being mistook as love can be devstating. So, termination of friendship between a guy and girl is all the more different, it can cause extreme trauma and at times even depression for the guy or the girl or both.
The problem here is that there is very less understanding of the thin line that exists between sense of love and friendship. Not all guys and girls are fully capable of conceptualising what friendship exactly is?
Haven’t we seen myriad of friendship turned relationships in our day to day life? Is brotherliness or sisterlyness a cool term that substitutes a guy-girl relationship? Is friendship between a girl and girl or guy and guy the same as camaraderie between a guy and girl? Have we considered friendship springing out between homosexuals and straights or for that matter the transgender community? How much physical distance should we maintain when we hang out with a guy? Is the license of friendship, enough for a guy to get physically intimate with a girl without her consent? How do we find out whether
it’s exploitation of individual’s innocence or friendship when it’s between a guy and a girl? Can a guy-girl friendship be toxic in nature? Can their friendship subsist irrespective of physical intimacy and with an altruistic and reassuring attitude towards each other?
Having said all these, is it yet right on our part to prohibit a guy-girl friendship? Will a guy-girl friendship always fail? What if the aforementioned tragedies happen to them in future or for that matter after their marriage? For how long can they remain reticent and inhibited in each other’s presence? Despite socialising with each other itself if they are going to face so many problems, I feel appalled even of thinking of introducing them later in life when they might have to perform shared roles or exist in harmony.
Degeneration of friendship takes place only when there’s overwhelming secrecy, suspicion, and
unworldliness around the guy-girl sociability. Therefore, as a society it is high time we evolve and accept the fact that a guy-girl friendship is as normal, reasonable, and uncorrupted as any other kind of friendship. Let us believe, accept, explore, and encourage the beauty in companionship between men and women with caution and not circumspection.
(The Author is an undergraduate student majoring in Political Science)
PC : Duy Pham
